How to Parent Neurodivergent Kids When Your Partner Isn’t On Board

Inside: Four parents from the CTC community are sharing their stories about facing the ups and downs of single parenting and figuring out how to parent neurodivergent kids together with their partners despite having different styles. They’ve managed to calm the chaos in their families and have found ways to thrive, even though it often felt like their partners weren’t just off board but were actually adding to the chaos!

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I’ve spent a decade in this field, and the stories I hear are strikingly similar:

“My partner just doesn’t get it.” 

“I’m a single parent, and it’s overwhelming.” 

“My partner and I can’t agree on how to raise our kids.”

So this week, we’re diving deep into a topic that hits close to home for many parents out there:

Parenting neurodivergent kids without a partner (on board)

It’s tough, and you might find yourself feeling lonely or even like you’re failing because you’re constantly hitting a wall. This is especially true when you’re trying to introduce something new into your life, like the Calm the Chaos program.

But here’s the thing – even if it feels like you’re on your own, I promise you’re not. And I’m not the only one saying this; we’ve got a whole community to back it up.

This week, four parents from the CTC community are here to share their stories.

They’ve been right where you are now, some facing the ups and downs of single parenting, others figuring out how to parent together with their partners despite having different styles.

So tune in as they share how they’ve calmed the chaos in their families and found ways to thrive. 

Yes, it’s possible, even when it feels like your partner isn’t just off board but is actually adding to the chaos!

I’m the Only One in Control of My Destiny

“If only I could change them…”

How many times have you secretly wished this while dealing with your kids or partner who have different parenting views? 

Don’t worry – we’ve all had these moments when we felt overwhelmed, like no one understands the daily struggles we face. This is especially true when you have a neurodivergent child. 

But here’s the thing: in those tough moments, you don’t really want to change your family members. You want to transform your relationship with them.

(Really, when you say ‘change,’ you don’t actually mean swapping anyone of them for someone else. You’re just hoping to make your time together easier, calmer, healthier, and more fun…)

But when it comes to changing your relationship, the only part you can truly control and change is yourself – your thoughts and actions

So, instead of trying to change specific traits in your partners because they disagree about parenting, ask yourself what you can do to help your family thrive.

Instead of throwing your hands up in frustration and saying, “They just refuse everything”, when your partners aren’t on board, or you struggle to communicate, or if they reject something like joining CTC together, remind yourself,

“Well, I’m the one who can control myself. So, what can I do to change this story, even if my partner doesn’t change at all?”

Let’s assume that your partner may never fully embrace this parenting approach. That just means the responsibility falls even more on your shoulders to ensure your kids have at least one parent who shows up this way.

And once you change your point of view and the way you show up for your kids and partner, it initiates an avalanche of good things for the entire family.

We Never Argued Until We Had Kids

So, what if you’re eager to join the Calm the Chaos program, but your partner isn’t on board?

First, you might face a financial challenge. Many parents of neurodivergent kids say they don’t have enough money for it, and I really feel for them – moms often leave their jobs to be able to homeschool their superkids. (After all, I was the one who did that.)

And if you add the fact that you’re a single parent or have a partner that doesn’t support you to the mix, this may seem like an insurmountable obstacle.

That was the case for Galikali – a mom of two autistic superkids who joined me in this podcast episode. She not only found a way to join our program but also became one of our best coaches in the meantime.

But let’s start from the beginning:

Before they became parents, she and her partner never fought about anything. But then, all of a sudden, they discovered that they had very different ideas about what it means to be a parent.

He firmly believes that personality traits are unchangeable and that the kids will outgrow their struggles. However, in his opinion, there’s not much we can do to help. On the other hand, Galikali believes there’s so much you can do to make things better. 

You Don’t Need To Change Your Partner’s Views

So, it was a hugely scary thing for her to ask her husband for money to join the CTC program because she knew he didn’t believe that anything was going to help.

But she did it anyway, saying that she needed support for herself. 

“I am struggling with the kids. I am struggling to help them. I’m overwhelmed, and I want support. I need that support.”

So she didn’t ask him to change his way of parenting but just to support her.

Because we all deserve our loved ones’ backing when we find something we believe can truly make a difference

Since Galikali became our coach, it’s obvious that the program has hugely helped her in her relationship with her kids. But it also helped her improve her relationship with her partner, although he never joined the program.

So, your partner doesn’t need to dive into the book… Or watch the videos. Or practice the exercises with the CTC tools. But he can still support you.

Tell him, “I’ve found something incredibly helpful for me. This is something I need.” Not “We need…” or “You need…”

Because it might sound as if you want to control him.

There is also one huge thing CTC did for Galikali. It equipped her with a way to express what she felt in a way that wouldn’t fuel arguments with her partner. 

And the improvement in the situation with her kids reassured her that it’s possible to thrive even without having your partner change their views.

(If you want to hear the complete stories of Galikali and the three other moms, make sure to check out the full episode on YouTube.)

neurodivergent kids, Dayna Abraham, Calm the Chaos

Asking for Support, Not Permission

Tamara’s financial situation was also tough – at one moment, she had to choose between our program and paying her electricity bill.

This single mom is on disability. Funds are tight, yet she knew she had to make a change for herself and her kids. She found a way, reaching out to her mother and opting for a 12-month payment plan to make it work.

Now, two months into the program, Tamara is glad she made that scary decision, even when she thought she couldn’t afford it. 

I love that Galikali and Tamara didn’t let their financial constraints hold them back. And what I love even more is that they asked for support – not permission, but support – from their family members and from the CTC community.

Yes, we do have payment plans, like the 12-month option Tamara chose. And we’re always willing to work with our members to find a solution that fits their needs.

If you find yourself at a crossroads and believe the program is beyond your financial reach yet recognize the dire need for help – speak up. Reach out to us, share your story and financial hurdles, and I’m sure we’ll find a way to help you.

I’d also like to point out the power of taking this leap of faith despite all obstacles. It really shows how dedicated you are. It pushes you to give your all, show up to all the coaching sessions, and really use what the program offers. 

And lower prices just don’t work. We’ve given away a program similar to this for $20. We saw like 5,000 people sign up for it, but only a few really took it seriously. Putting your money and your heart into it really makes you responsible. It makes sure you get everything you can from it. 

Where Support Knows No Bounds

Galikali and Tamara’s stories aren’t just stories; they’re real examples of hard work and not giving up. In return, they not only got the tools to help their children and improve relationships within their families, but they also gained a supportive community for life. 

As Helen, one of the CTC moms, said: 

“In the CTC community, we, as parents, really feel love. We’re more than just numbers on a chart; we’re real people, part of real families. And what price can you put on feeling this loved and accepted?” 

So tune in to the full episode to hear all the stories from my guests this week, and as always, never doubt one thing: 

You’ve got this!


– – –

Calm the Chaos Parenting is a podcast offering parents practical tools and strategies to navigate the challenges of raising strong-willed, highly sensitive, and neurodivergent children.

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