Inside: We dig into the world of peaceful parenting tailored for complex kids with a certified parenting coach, Sarah Rosensweet. She dives into the core of peaceful parenting and uncovers why it might not click with some kids all through our You-CUE framework.
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Ever felt like you’re ticking all the right boxes in parenting, staying calm, connecting with your child, and yet, your child seems to be that ‘exception’? If that’s ringing any bells, you’re in for a treat with today’s podcast!
Today, we dig into the world of peaceful parenting tailored for complex kids with Sarah Rosensweet, a certified coach, speaker, and the founder of Reimagine Peaceful Parenting.
She defines peaceful parenting as a non-punitive, connection-based approach that uses firm limits with lots of empathy. Sarah works one-on-one virtually with parents all over the world to help them go from frustrated and overwhelmed to, “We’ve got this!”
She also has an amazing Summit coming up soon, where she has brought together experts from around the world (including yours truly), all focused on parenting complex kids.
She has been asking them all sorts of questions and getting tips and techniques that could help parents have a better relationship with these kids.
Join us in this episode as Sarah shares the gems from her expert talks, dives into the core of peaceful parenting, and uncovers why it might not click with some kids all through our You-CUE framework.
Ready to reimagine a world where parenting is without punishments or rewards, tailored perfectly for your unique child?
Tune in now!
You Aren’t Doing Anything Wrong
Despite doing everything many parenting books recommend and empathizing with your child, do you just get a “Shut up!” in response? Or do they simply ignore you?
But the book says that they are supposed to melt into your arms after you empathize and cry, right?
However, you feel that no matter how effective a parenting method or book seems for others, it doesn’t work for you and your kids… like at all…
I know many of you think, “It’s not working for me – there must be something wrong with me.”
Many parents I’ve met feel like failures because things aren’t working as described in the books. And it hurts a lot. It also deeply saddens me that there are parents who, because they have challenging kids, feel like they’re failing.
But here’s what I need you to know before I go deeply into the topic of this post:
You aren’t doing anything wrong. It doesn’t mean you’re not empathizing just because you’re not getting the reaction you expected. You can do everything “right,” and your kid can still be tough.
This doesn’t mean you can’t make improvements or make things easier. But no parenting book is going to transform your kid overnight.
And this isn’t just feel-good talk.
It’s based on scientifically-backed information that many parenting experts endorse today. You can hear from some of these experts if you join the Flourish With Your Complex Child summit.
What Is Peaceful Parenting?
Sarah breaks down three big ideas behind peaceful parenting. They vibe pretty well with our Calm the Chaos You-CUE framework, so I’ll blend them together in this post for a comprehensive insight.
1. Parental Self-Regulation:
This doesn’t mean never getting upset. (After all, we’re only humans, and sometimes it feels like your kid is pushing every single button.)
It’s more about recognizing when we’re on the brink and understanding what sets us off. It’s about learning to cool down, whether it’s during those heated moments or after. The essence of this idea is being in tune with our emotions and finding ways to return to a calm state.
Because let’s face it – parenting experts might offer 25 tricks on how to get out the door in the morning, but if you can’t stay calm, none of those strategies will work.
And one of the things that can help you calm down and find an anchor in those moments is a mindset shift that seems simple but is a real game-changer.
The shift in our parenting journey truly begins when we fully believe in our child’s inner goodness. Our kids genuinely want to be good. Truly. No kiddo wakes up thinking, “I’m gonna be difficult today.”
Most times, if they’re acting out, it’s because they’re grappling with something, maybe they’re feeling overwhelmed, or they’re simply dysregulated. It’s not about them wanting to give us a tough time; it’s because they themselves are having a hard time.
Now, I get it. We’ve all had dreams of our kids becoming straight-A students, handling everything on their own, and having a clear path to college. But holding onto these strict hopes will only lead to frustration and bad feelings in our hearts.
Instead, it’s about changing our view. Seeing them not as projects to be managed but as unique individuals with whom we can work together.
Flourish With Your Complex Child
So, the next time you feel the need to control that little human in your home, try working with them, understanding their world, and truly connecting.
This is actually the essence of the “You” and somewhat the “Understanding” piece of our framework.
However, if you want to delve deeper into truly understanding your child, grab your free ticket for the Flourish With Your Complex Child summit.
There, you can listen to some of the greatest parenting experts from around the globe. They’ll discuss the science behind peaceful parenting, how the brain works, why kids act the way they do, how to set limits, why the punishment/award system doesn’t work, and much more.
It’s an invaluable resource for understanding your kid and their needs. Once you secure the pass, you can listen whenever it’s convenient for you.
(For more details about the speakers and why their advice is so invaluable, check out the full podcast episode on YouTube, where Sarah shares some of their insights.)
2. Focus on Connection
The connection piece has been my favorite part of our 4-step CTC Framework since I learned that connecting with neurodivergent kids often requires a shift in perspective.
Sometimes, these kids might resist traditional ways of connection. Take a simple hug, for example. Many of us see it as a gesture of love and warmth. Yet, for a child who isn’t comfortable with physical contact, this might feel overwhelming.
I’ve met many parents who adore that tactile connection, and when their child pulls away, they feel at a loss. But here’s a vital reminder: It’s not about how we want to connect; it’s about finding that unique language of love that resonates with our child.
Instead of feeling disheartened, we can ask, “How can I connect with my child in a way they find meaningful?”
Connection doesn’t always have to look like what the books describe or what you expect. It’s about feeling that bond – not just for you, but more importantly, for your child too.
I’ll share one touching story from our Calm the Chaos community about a family who turned problem-solving sessions, or ‘huddles’, into video game time. Instead of sitting at a table discussing challenges, they’d dive into a game, and the child would gradually open up about their day, their concerns, and their joys.
So, it’s about redefining connection on our own terms. Instead of being chained by the ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts’, we need to focus on the heart of the matter:
Are you deeply connected to your child? If the answer is a heartfelt ‘Yes’, the methods don’t matter. Your bond does.
3. Setting Limits Without Punishment
In peaceful parenting, there’s no room for timeouts or “You’re not getting your iPad if you don’t…”
Setting boundaries is really important, but unless it’s a health and safety issue, peaceful parenting is really not about using power over kids. Instead, we should try to do a teamwork approach. This way, there’s cooperation rather than confrontation.
But it isn’t about dismissing conventional reward-punishment methods just for the sake of it. It’s about understanding that for some children, especially those with heightened emotional sensitivity and a fierce sense of autonomy, these methods simply aren’t effective.
Peaceful parenting is about connection, understanding, and deep acceptance beyond mere playtime. It means seeing beneath the surface, looking past labels like “bratty,” and truly understanding the child’s core.
The essence of peaceful parenting urges us to see our children not as misbehaving or disrespectful but as young individuals navigating their emotions and seeking understanding.
In our world, there’s a misconception that kids need stringent consequences or they’ll never learn. Some even say this ‘lax’ approach is what’s wrong with society.
But, research shows a different story. Kids who face harsh punishments, like spankings, often have more problems when they grow up, including ending up in jail. There’s a real connection between strict punishments in school and later going to prison.
Society is Changing
But here’s the good news – society is getting better.
Just look around: Major institutions are increasingly recognizing the needs of different people. Sensory rooms in airports, calming spaces at sporting events, rooms for breastfeeding mothers, and even family rooms in public places point towards this shift in understanding.
This progress isn’t about a single approach triumphing; it’s about grounding our parenting methods in research, science, and deep compassion.
In this journey of raising kids, we aren’t just teaching them; we’re learning alongside them. The world is listening, understanding, and evolving. And as parents, we’re at the forefront, advocating not just for our children but for a brighter, more understanding future.
If this topic/episode resonates with you, tell us on social media and share with someone who might find it useful. See you in the next episode.
And until then, keep in mind,
You’ve got this!
Dayna
P.S. – If you want to know more about the strategies, tools, and plans you can apply to your unique situation, order your copy of Calm The Chaos Book.
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Calm the Chaos Parenting is a podcast offering parents practical tools and strategies to navigate the challenges of raising strong-willed, highly sensitive, and neurodivergent children.
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