Inside: In this week’s podcast episode, we share a plan for parents to create enough time and energy in just five minutes a day. It’s not about completely overhauling your day, or going away for weekends to rejuvenate. It’s about building small daily habits that can boost your energy so that you have enough left in the tank to handle even the toughest days.
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What if I told you that you could have all the energy you need to handle anything your kids throw at you, and you could do it in just five minutes a day? Would you believe me?
… Did you just roll your eyes?
I don’t blame you. Five years ago, I wouldn’t have believed it myself.
What I remember from that period (actually, I can picture it almost like it was yesterday) was standing in front of the mirror, looking at myself, and not recognizing the person staring back at me.
Wrinkles, gray hairs, dark circles under my eyes, and a faint odor all seemed to confirm that I had lost myself. Later, I realized that this is a common experience for parents of challenging children.
When you’re trying to wear all the hats while being the keeper of all the schedules and manager of all the things… Having a challenging kiddo can be what puts you over the edge.
And we all know… as parents, the first thing to go is you.
I feel for all of you struggling with these things today. I know there are millions of you who feel like they’re spiraling out of control and think this is happening only to your family.
But believe me – there is a way out. You can take baby steps every day to eventually calm the chaos.
I have a plan to help you create enough time and energy in just a few minutes a day.
It’s not about completely overhauling your day or going away for weekends to rejuvenate. It’s about building small daily habits that continuously re-energize you… so that you have enough left in your tank to handle even the toughest days.
The second stage of the Calm The Chaos Road Map is Energy Reserves. It’s where you finally prove to yourself that you don’t need to wake up exhausted and dreading the day ahead.
Let’s start reclaiming your life today!
The Stage Everyone Tries to Skip
In one of our earlier podcast episodes, we talked about the 5-stage Calm the Chaos Road Map. And in our last episode, we talked about the Surviving the Storm stage (which, let’s be real, is the worst of the worst). The next stage is all about finding your own energy reserves.
Actually, this might be where I start to lose you. Your Energy Reserves is the stage that everyone tries to skip.
In my coaching experience, it is usually when you mention taking care of yourself, parents are like, “I don’t need this. I just want to hear about behavior and how to help my family.”
But guess what? This stage IS about behavior and helping your family. You really NEED energy reserves to calm the chaos.
Because if you don’t have anything in your tank, how are you going to show up the way that you want to?
Basically, this stage is all about your behavior. And if you buy the idea that all behavior is a form of communication, then what are you communicating about yourself when you’re avoiding anything that has to do with you?
Plus, seriously, how can you expect the system to work if you’re skipping its steps and phases?
Thinking About Yourself First Is Not Selfish
As parents, we’ll do just about anything and everything for our kids.
But the minute we start talking about taking care of ourselves, we hit these huge roadblocks like “I can’t do it”, “I’m struggling”, or “I feel guilty taking any time for me”.
But here’s the thing: if we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t be there for our kids. So even if you don’t wanna do it for yourself, do it for them.
Now, listen, there is nothing wrong with putting yourself first. But I know there’s a lot of noise on social media that says otherwise – that prioritizing your self-care is somehow selfish.
And I believe that it’s actually quite the opposite – we have to take time for ourselves and take care of our mental and physical health. (Especially after having kids and going through all those big life and hormonal changes.)
And here’s why it’s important for our kids…
Their little brains are like sponges. When they see us taking care of ourselves, we’re programming them to do the same when they grow up. They are going to think, “Hey, I should also take care of myself!” and “I’m important!”
So in the long run, you are serving them, and you’re being a great role model for them. You are telling them that because you matter, they matter too.
So remember, you are worth five minutes in your day to spend on
- yourself
- your own thoughts
- your own feelings
- connecting with other adults
- taking care of what boosts you and drains you
- taking care of your own body
Because the truth is, no one matters more to your kids than you do. So by taking care of yourself, you are showing them that you are worth it and that they’re worth it.
The Five-Minute Energy Plan (You-Cue)
Alright, so we know what we need to do, but HOW do we actually do it?
That’s why we’ve created a five-minute energy plan that thousands of our students have proven to be effective.
Actually, doing our coaching program, we started noticing that our most successful students were the ones that did these five common habits every single day (or at least 7 out of 10 days.)
And so we put it to the test, asking 1000s of parents in our community to stick to the five-minute energy plan to see if this makes a difference in their journey from going from survival mode to thriving as a family.
And it worked like a charm!
People were making more progress faster and easier than ever before, with outbursts and tantrums (or even their yelling at their kids) fading away in a matter of weeks instead of months or even years.
It just really sped up the process because the parents themselves had enough fuel to be able to go through their day.
The plan follows the 4 steps of the Calm the Chaos Framework.
You – Clearing Your Head
The You piece of this stage is about clearing your head and getting rid of the internal and external chaos. So this is shifting your mindset and prioritizing your day and the clutter around you (both external and internal).
We all know how it feels to wake up and think, “Ugh, today is awful,” or “I’m just waiting for another call from the school.”
So the goal here is to address those thoughts and manage what’s going on in your head. You can use anything that works for you – a minute of silence, listening to your favorite song, doing affirmations, journaling…
It’s really that simple – take a minute to settle your mind first thing in the morning, using whatever method works best for you.
If first thing in the morning doesn’t work for you, find a time that does.
Now, if you’re curious about what works for other people, ask Jason – he’ll tell you that his favorite thing to do is meditation… And he’ll tell you a lot more things, if you’re into it.
So if you need ideas (including some woo-woo ones) on how to clear your head, definitely check out the latest episode of our podcast, as he really crashed this You piece of the framework.
Connect – Connecting With Another Adult
We call this Operation Warm Hug. It is just what it sounds like – connecting with another adult. It is a human need to feel loved, seen, and heard.
Sometimes, a simple text is an excellent way to connect with someone.
Or memes. Plenty of relationships are just a couple of busy people sending each other random memes until a holiday comes along and forces you out of the house. I get that!
And hey, if you don’t feel like texting anyone in particular, just shoot me a comment or message on Instagram. Send me a GIF or a meme! I’d love to hear from you.
This step is also perfect for building connections with your partner, especially when we are in our worst situation. Make sure you’re prioritizing bonding time, even if it’s just for a few minutes a day.
Jason and I started two-minute hugs that really helped.
This doesn’t have to be complicated – just stand in the kitchen and hug it out for two minutes. The point is to make that connection and feel that someone feels you.
Understand – Your Energy Boosts and Drains
This step is all about understanding your own boosts and drains – the things that give and drain your energy.
Boosts are things that are energizing, exciting, and fulfilling.
It could be something creative like knitting, drawing, or journaling, or simple like stretching or just sitting on the floor playing with your kids.
Drains are the opposite.
They’re the things that suck the life out of you, leaving you feeling exhausted, frustrated, and down.
It could be feeling overwhelmed by a messy house, running errands, or just having to deal with people.
An important note – what drains you might actually boost someone else. Like, for example, some people find cleaning therapeutic and calming… But for me, it’s an obvious and total energy zapper.
But there are plenty of things we all do that drain our energy without even realizing it – like endlessly scrolling through social media, hanging out with negative people, or trying to do too many things at once.
So this step is about taking the time to recognize what boosts and drains you, and working to shift the balance.
Of course, it’s impossible to eliminate all of your drains, but if you could just remove one a day, or cut the time you spend on it in half, you’re guaranteed to feel much lighter.
Empower – Taking Care of Your Body
Empowerment is about taking care of your body. (I know firsthand, it is shockingly easy to forget.)
These could be things like taking your vitamins, taking medication, drinking an extra glass of water a day, gardening, swimming… Maybe it’s as simple as deep breathing or sitting in silence.
Whatever helps you feel your best physically. The point is to build momentum and habits.
Inside our program, we actually encourage people to do something we call One a Day – starting with one action a day and then adding just a slight bit on that the next day.
For example, today, I’ll do the stairs, and then tomorrow, I’ll do the stairs twice. Or today I’ll drink one glass of water…. And tomorrow I’ll drink two, or one and a half.
(I mean, you obviously won’t drink 365 glasses of water after a year, but you get the point – boosting things a bit and building that momentum over time.)
A Tiny Action Step
If you can only do one thing today, I would recommend removing one drain.
Let it be simple – don’t scroll, turn off the news, if you notice you’re complaining – stop!
Just skip one thing that you know will drain your energy.
And, remember – YOU MATTER.
Dayna
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Calm the Chaos Parenting is a podcast offering parents practical tools and strategies to navigate the challenges of raising strong-willed, highly sensitive, and neurodivergent children.
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