To my mom (now that you are gone),
As I sit to write this letter I can’t help but think of all the times you told me “just you wait.”
“Just you wait… one day I won’t be here.”
I never believed you. You are my mom.
You were supposed to always be here.
You were supposed to see all of my kids grow up.
You were supposed to be there to laugh and tell me “what goes around comes around.”
You were supposed to meet your great-grandchildren.
You were supposed to be here. Forever.
While I know this is ridiculous and romantic to think that my mom would be here forever, I just never imagined anything else to be true.
There were so many things I didn’t say but I want to say now.
5 Things I Wish I Could Say To My Mom Now That She is Gone
Mom, I want to say “I’m so sorry.”
I am sorry I was so hard growing up and pushed every button you had.
I wanted to be my own person and thought that meant I had to push you away to do that.
What I wouldn’t give for you to be here today.
Mom, I want to say “I get it now.”
I used to get so upset, roll my eyes and let out a big puff every single time you asked why I was going on yet another work trip instead of coming to see you.
I used to get so tired of you telling me your days were numbered.
I honestly thought that number would never run out.
I took you for granted.
Mom, I want to say “You were a good mom”.
I didn’t say it enough.
I didn’t let you know enough.
But, mom, you really were amazing.
I know that you doubted yourself and with fair reason.
But mom, I need you to know …
I know without a shadow of a doubt I am who I am because of you. Thank you.
Mom, I want to say “You taught me to be a better mom”
We fought.
We fought a lot. So much so that when I learned I was pregnant with a girl, I cried.
Did I ever tell you that I was scared my daughter would treat me the way I treated you when I was growing up?
And yet… as the days got closer and as my daughter grows older each day, I am reminded of your love and how that will never change.
So thank you for pushing me to take chances and try things that scare me.
Mom, I want to say I miss you more and more each day.
Every day I have small reminders of you that I never noticed before.
Your grand-daughter is everything you loved that made you and I so different.
Butterflies have a new meaning.
And 80s music will never be the same.
I know that you are here.
I know that you are not far.
Mom, today and everyday know that you I am thankful for you and the time we shared.
My only hope is that I can continue your legacy from now until the end of time.
Until we meet again.
Your daughter,
Dayna
