To the mom that feels like she is doing everything wrong…

Most days I do a pretty damn good job of pumping myself up and telling myself that I’ve got this “motherhood” thing. I remind myself that it’s hard for everyone, we only see the “pretty moments” on social media and everyone is dealing with something.

Most days, this pep talk works.

Most days, this is all I need…

No, this is everything I need to get me through another day.

Day after day, I repeat… “You’ve got this. You are not alone. You are doing your best.” It’s become a mantra I repeat over and over to get me through some of the toughest times. And yet, despite doing my damnedest to build myself up so I can get through another day, some days can just completely tear a girl down.

Today was one of those day.

So today…

To the mom that feeling like she is failing at life...

This is for every mom that has felt like they can do nothing right.

This is for every mom that has felt the burn of stares on her back as she took care of a screaming child.

This is for every mom that has smelled the disgust in the air, as other moms looked on and shook their head.

This is for every mom who has listened shamefully to others tell her she’s doing it all wrong.

This is for you. 

I have to clear something first… If you have your crap together, if you know what you are doing and every day is wonderful, or if you have never felt like a failure… this is not for you.

Move on.

There will be other posts for you, but this one, my dear is for a momma in much more need of repair today than you.

To the mom that feels like she is doing everything wrong…

I see you.

I am you.

I know how hard you try to fit in with the other moms on the playground just so you can be one of the “moms that get it”.

I know how much you want to be praised by your mother and in-laws, because if just once another generation thought what you were doing was on the right path… you might have some hope.

I know how you sit at the edge of your seat listening for a small hint of connection, a small tinge of something familiar so you can comment and feel familiar.

I know how bad it feels to initiate conversations with other moms, only to get a nod or a “uh huh”.

I know your inner thoughts when you feel like everyone must be judging you.

I know the doubt that creeps in your mind, the absurd things you start to believe… like “maybe I really am a bad mom”.

I know the heartache of feeling so alone, so completely and utterly alone.

But I have a secret for you.

I want you to listen close through your tear filled eyes. YOU ARE AMAZING.

The truth is, there isn’t a day that goes by that another mom doesn’t feel the same thing you just went through today.

I know it’s hard to believe right now because the sting is so fresh, but I promise you, you are not alone.

In fact, you have an army behind you, even if you can’t see them.

The truth is, who knows why those other moms ignored you? Who knows if they had a bad day and they went home feeling the same way you did?

Who knows if your in-laws actually are in awe of the things you do, but they are at a loss for what to say?

Who knows if you have people watching your social media feed wishing they could have the few happy moments you post.

Who knows what each of us are going through unless we speak up and connect.

So here I am, telling you, my friend, that you are not alone.

You, my friend, are not failing at life.

You, my friend, are a beautiful being that deserves to see the good inside!

Tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to embrace adventure.

We got this,

Dayna

For more Adventures in Imperfect Parenting

Dear Special Needs Mom Who Wants to Give Up

[social_warfare]

2 thoughts on “To the mom that feels like she is doing everything wrong…”

  1. Julia Siu

    Dayna,
    YOU are amazing. I had this sitting in my email for quite some time without reading it. Today for some reason I decided to . God’s timing is perfect. I SO needed this. I had a bad day with my son yesterday. He started 1st grade last week and morning have been one emotional meltdown after another. Yesterday was the first time he’s ever said to me, “I hate school!” He was sobbing he didn’t want to go to school. I had to leave him in the school office instead of the front gate. After I left, I kept thinking, feeling what kind of a mother am I if my young child already hates school. I’m a bad mother if he doesn’t feel secure enough to stay at school without crying every morning. Haven’t I made him feel loved enough for him to be able to face his school day? I feel like I’m letting him down. Maybe I’m not addressing his fears/concerns correctly. I’ve never taken him to see a therapist or psychiatrist. I’ve brought up his emotions to his pediatrician but she says it’s normal for his age. My husband will say there’s something wrong with him he needs to see a specialist or something. Anyway, I totally went off on a tangent there. I just wanted to say thank you so much for your letter “to the mom that feels like she is doing everything wrong…” It gave me hope and comfort. It truly did. I thank you from my heart.

  2. Shanean Sims

    Thank you so much for this blog I needed it terribly. I’m a new mom and these moms at my child school have been brutal and quite pains. They make me feel like I’m doing everything wrong as a mother. Hearing this although I was in tears made me stop crying. I might not be the poster mom for all moms, but god knows I do my best everything. as long I keep that in my head I think it will be alright! Thanks for the positive, and 100% real mommy words!

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