Inside: We’re unraveling the five behavior types that will help you understand your kid’s challenging behaviors, explore their struggles and superpowers, and equip you with practical tips on how to handle those behaviors in the heat of the moment.
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- Why does my kid do that??
- What’s going on inside their head?!
- What does it even mean?!
If you’ve ever wondered why the heck your kid does what they do and what it really means, then this is the blog post (and the podcast episode) you’ve been waiting for.
We’re diving deep into the secrets behind your child’s challenging behaviors — stubborn defiance, selective hearing, seemingly constant anger, and more!
If you want to level up your parenting game, you’re gunna have to understand these behaviors first!
So, to help you do that… We’ve crafted a behavior type quiz that has been taken by over a quarter of a million parents (yep, you read it right!).
The feedback has been incredible, with parents exclaiming,
- “Are you peeking into my home?” 🏠
- “How do you know my kid?” 🧠
Now… I know each kid is unique! But when you’ve been doing this as long as we have, you can’t help but notice universal similarities and patterns start to emerge.
And I’ve found that there are five distinct behavior types.
This discovery led me to create THIS behavior type quiz – the results are solid insights into your child’s behavior type and how it influences your parenting approach.
& it’s free! So, if you’re ready to shift your focus from your kids’ flaws to embracing their strengths and the positive aspects of their behavior, start by taking the quiz.
In the rest of this post, I’m going to unravel the five behavior types, explore their struggles and superpowers, and equip you with practical tips on how to handle those behaviors in the heat of the moment.
Let’s dive in!
5 Dominant Behavior Types
Let me be clear here – my behavior quiz isn’t about boxing your child or slapping a label on them. It’s more like a guide so you can:
- understand their dominant behavior type
- uncover their main struggles and discover their superpowers based on their unique skills and (dis)likes
- feel more confident handling challenging behaviors in the moment
- grow into the relationship you’ve always wanted with your child
(For a more comprehensive look, I provide a full road map for swapping struggles for superpowers, step by step, in my Calm the Chaos book.)
So back to the five dominant behavior types… Of course, there are more than five superpowers. But this is a wonderful starting point for understanding your child’s unique qualities.
Additionally, there are secondary and tertiary types that blend together – resulting in beautifully distinctive children.
In no particular order, these are the main five behavior types:
- Creative
- Fierce
- Spirited
- Unique
- Adventurous
I’ll unpack how they manifest in the early stages of parenting and examine the struggles and superpowers associated with each.
Creative Type
The fascinating world of creative children is all about imagination.
While it may feel like you’re constantly dealing with disorganization and procrastination, there’s so much more to your child’s behavior than meets the eye. Their incredible originality and resourcefulness are the driving forces behind these quirks.
Some common struggles you might notice in a creative child:
- Difficulty completing tasks
- Needs frequent breaks
- Lacks motivation or desire
- Extremely disorganized (cue the socks and paper towels everywhere)
- Loses belongings frequently
Although these struggles can be frustrating, there are amazing superpowers hidden behind them. The flip side of your creative kid’s coin probably looks like:
- Boundless imagination
- Free-thinking abilities
- Thinks outside the box and comes up with innovative solutions
- Playful and fun nature
- Overflowing with ideas
Contrary to common belief, being creative doesn’t necessarily mean being artsy-craftsy. Your child could be creative in problem-solving, doing ordinary things in an unusual way, finding new fascinating ways to use their toys or other things in the house…
Handling Challenging Behavior – Lack of Motivation
Understanding your child’s creativity can greatly help in fostering a thriving relationship and managing lack of motivation in the moment.
One helpful tip is to break overwhelming activities into smaller, visually clear tasks with specific goals and endpoints. It’s crucial to comprehend the child’s thought process and the steps they envision.
Simplify the steps, ensuring they don’t feel overwhelmed. Instead of diving into a three-hour cleaning session with no progress, break it down into manageable steps. You might even start with requesting they put away a specific number of toys, or set a timer and pick up as many things as possible in X minutes. Ask them what feels best, or try a few variations and experiment together!
Building systems outside the moment is key. Initially, they will require support, followed by a gradual release of responsibility.
By celebrating their creativity and offering assistance, you can guide your child towards maintaining focus and achieving a sense of accomplishment in both their creative endeavors and the accompanying tasks.
(Check out the full episode on YouTube to go deeper on this.)
Inspiring creative individuals making a significant impact:
- Prince
- Richard Branson, the creative founder of Virgin Group
- Willy Wonka
- Punky Brewster
Fierce Type
Alright, let’s talk about our fierce warriors! These kids are all about passion and strength. Right now you might be dealing with a lot of yelling, throwing, and even some aggressive behavior. But let’s dig deeper and uncover the true power behind these actions.
Fierce children are the ones who express themselves forcefully. They might use their body in a more physical way, like hitting or roughhousing.
You’ll notice their determination and a strong sense of “my way or the highway.” They don’t back down easily and are often labeled as strong-willed.
Common struggles you might encounter with a fierce child:
- Yelling and screaming often
- Throwing things, being destructive
- Crossing arms and shutting down
- Shouting hurtful things: “I hate you” or “Go away”
- Tendency to be destructive
- Massive meltdowns that include hitting, kicking, or biting
But here’s the exciting part: behind that fierceness lies incredible strength and leadership potential! Embrace these superpowers in your fierce child:
- Passionate
- Takes a stand for what they believe in
- Prefers to take the lead
- Strong and powerful
Handling Intense Moments
Many of our leaders and trailblazers have this fierce behavior type. It’s about helping these children harness their passion without steamrolling over others.
We want to keep that fire alive while teaching them how to channel it in a positive way.
So, how do we handle those intense moments? When a passionate and fierce child is fired up, worried, or upset, they need an outlet. But here’s the key: you don’t want to be the wall they crash into.
If you come at them with a combative attitude, it’s like adding fuel to the fire. Instead, as adults, it’s our job to create a safe space.
We need to remove the combativeness and be like, “Let’s understand what’s going on and where our head is at.” We need to get them to a place where they can regain control and express themselves without exploding.
One of the most important things to remember in those meltdown moments is that your child is not giving you a hard time, but rather having a hard time. Stay close, choose your words wisely, and let them know you’re there for them when they’re ready.
Some of my favorite fierce personalities who are making a big difference in the world:
- Greta Thunberg, the amazing teen environmental activist who fearlessly campaigns for climate change.
- Hulk
- Katniss Everdeen
- Kylo Ren
Spirited Type
When it comes to spirited children, it’s all about their sense of free choice. They really march to the beat of their own drum. They couldn’t care less about what you want them to do; they’re going to do things their own way.
Following directions? That’s a struggle. Rules? They’ll find a way to bend or break them. And their favorite word? You guessed it, “No.”
These kids are often described as strong-willed and may even exhibit explosive behavior at times. But behind these behaviors lies a determined spirit. Your child is confident in their decisions and stands firm in what they believe.
Common struggles you might notice in a spirited child:
- Refuses to do what is asked
- Favorite answer: “No”
- Ignores requests
- Repeatedly breaks rules
- Rarely follows directions
While I understand how frustrating these struggles can be as a parent, let me tell you something awesome about your spirited kiddo. They have some incredible superpowers hidden beneath their challenging behaviors, such as:
- Confident in their own decisions
- Likes to take the lead
- Stands up for what they believe in
- Strong leadership skills
- Thrives on free choice
Handling Challenging Behavior – When They Say “NO!”
Spirited kids are natural-born leaders. They know what they want, and they’re determined to go after it. They’ll take charge on the playground, organizing the other kids and creating their own rules.
They have a strong desire to make their own choices, live by their own rules, and follow their own schedules. In the moment, trying to control or push against their assertiveness only leads to power struggles. Instead, it’s important to engage in open dialogue with them.
When they say “No,” asking them to tell you more about their thoughts and feelings can be incredibly powerful. These spirited kids love to talk it out and share their perspectives.
As parents, it’s important to guide and support their leadership qualities. Initially, it may feel like constant battles, but as they develop their skills, they become problem-solvers and solution-finders.
By nurturing their need for strong leadership and helping them develop communication skills, we empower them to create positive change. When faced with refusal, offering choices within clear boundaries is key.
Spirited kids thrive when they have a sense of ownership and a plan. Engaging them in problem-solving and asking, “How would YOU like to solve this?” allows them to be involved and feel empowered.
Some of my favorite determined and spirited individuals making big differences:
- Meghan Markle
- Ellen Degeneres, known for their activism and humanitarian work.
- The Grinch
- Little Mermaid
- Princess Merida from Brave
Unique Type
If your child falls into the unique category, you might encounter some challenges along the way.
Sensitivity comes with its own set of quirks. They may have strong emotional reactions, be particular about their preferences, have strong preferences when it comes to clothes or food, dislike certain textures or sensations, and exhibit caution with new people and situations.
But this allows them to tap into their superpowers. They often have remarkable empathy and attention to detail. These unique children have the ability to deeply understand and connect with others on a profound level.
Many people would call these kids picky, but I prefer the word “particular”.
Struggles you might face with a unique child:
- Cries often and “easily” – over the smallest things
- Battles over clothes, socks, and shoes
- Doesn’t like being alone
- Scared of “new” people and places
While parenting a child in the Unique category can be challenging at times, it’s important to recognize and celebrate their incredible superpowers. Your Unique kiddo possesses exceptional strengths that set them apart. Here are some of them:
- Thrives with a plan
- Cautious and pays attention to detail
- Empathetic and in tune with others
- Big heart – wants to please others
Dealing With Tears and Negativity
When it comes to handling your unique and particular child in the heat of the moment, there are a couple of quick strategies that can make a real difference.
First, ask them about their plan or expectations. Understanding what they had envisioned can help you address any misunderstandings or misinterpretations.
Additionally, remember that their sensitivity often means they are thinking several steps ahead. They may be upset because they foresee undesirable outcomes, without realizing that there are alternative paths to a better result.
Help them see that change is possible at each stage and that there are multiple ways to achieve a different outcome.
In moments of tears and negativity, consider implementing a “time-in” with your child. This involves providing a calm and supportive environment for them to express their feelings.
Teaching them techniques to calm the alarms going off in their brains, like the square breath, where they take deep breaths while mentally tracing the sides of a square, can also help them regulate their emotions.
By understanding and supporting their unique perspective, you can unlock their true potential and create a safe environment for both of you.
Some of my favorite Unique personalities:
- Princess Diana – fiercely compassionate and empathetic
- Steve Jobs – revolutionized the technology landscape by relying on his instincts
- Piglet
- Caillou
Adventurous Type
These little daredevils have an unparalleled zest for life. They’re the ones who climb mountains and jump off cliffs (metaphorically or literally).
They fearlessly explore the world around them and embrace new experiences with open arms. Their boundless energy and fearlessness can be exhausting, but it also means they’re always up for an adventure.
Adventurous children have a natural curiosity and a thirst for discovery. They’re not afraid to take risks and push their limits, which can lead to incredible personal growth.
They’re the ones who always seem to blurt out the most inappropriate and embarrassing things at the worst possible moments, leaving you wishing you could disappear. But here’s the twist: if it’s not your kid, it’s absolutely hilarious.
Common struggles with adventurous kids:
- Becomes “hyper” when guests come over (understatement??)
- Says inappropriate things around others
- Makes jokes at inappropriate times
- Jumps on furniture (parkour!)
- Plays rough with others
While it may be challenging at times to keep up with their endless enthusiasm, remember that your child’s courage and adventurous spirit are qualities that will serve them well in life. They may also have some of the following superpowers:
- Able to take risks, brave
- Beats to their own drum
- Full of life and energy
- Explores the world they live in
- Inquisitive, curious
Dealing With Endless Energy
The number one tip I can recommend dealing with endless energy in the moment is to offer opportunities for movement as often as possible.
Instead of simply telling them to stop or get off the furniture, try redirecting their energy. Acknowledge their need to jump and suggest going outside or finding a trampoline as a safer alternative.
Preparation is key when dealing with these kids, so providing tools and resources ahead of time can make a big difference.
Exploring sensory activities, such as proprioceptive and vestibular input, can greatly help them. Also, by incorporating a sensory diet, adventurous kiddos can have that extra moment to process their actions, allowing for safer decision-making.
(And if you’d like to dive even deeper into this, you can check out my book Sensory Processing 101 or pre-order your copy of my Calm The Chaos Book.)
Remember, it’s not about cautioning them to be careful, but about asking them to think about their next move and how they can navigate their adventures safely.
Some of my favorite adventurers:
- Michael Phelps, the legendary swimmer
- Simone Biles, the awe-inspiring gymnast
- Indiana Jones
- Peter Pan
- Curious George
Take the Quiz
Now, the most obvious tiny step I can suggest is to take the quiz.
As I’ve said at the beginning of this blog post, it’s the first big step towards understanding your child’s behavior type.
But do keep in mind that some of the questions might not be perfect, especially if you’re doing it for a toddler.
There are questions about how your toddler acts at school or what they like to do with their free time (not including electronics, of course). In that case, just do your best to think about your kid and answer as accurately as you can.
More than one kiddo? You can take the quiz separately for each of them.
Curious about your own behavior type? You can absolutely take the quiz for yourself. Seriously – it can give you some cool insights!
So, go take the quiz, then check out this full episode all about the behavior quiz on YouTube, and I’ll meet you back here next week when I dive into primary parenting styles!
Let’s keep this parenting adventure going!
And one more thing you should never forget…
You’ve got this!
Dayna
– – –
Calm the Chaos Parenting is a podcast offering parents practical tools and strategies to navigate the challenges of raising strong-willed, highly sensitive, and neurodivergent children.
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