How to Create a Lasting Family Success Plan

Inside: Are you ready to turn your family into the ultimate dream team that supports and uplifts each other? We’re diving deep into creating a family success plan, ditching traditional rules and consequences, and encouraging our kids to avoid blind compliance. Join us as we unravel the secrets to building a thriving family ecosystem that fosters teamwork and support.

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Are you ready to challenge traditional notions of parenting and create a family ecosystem centered on teamwork and mutual understanding?

What I’m talking about is an ecosystem where everyone’s voices are heard, and each family member’s needs are valued.

Sounds like something out of a dream, right?

Well, guess what? It’s definitely possible, and I can show you how. 

As you are probably guessing, It’s all inside the final stage of our Family Road Map. 

(Now, if you’ve missed the earlier stages of our Family Road Map, I invite you to go back and check them out. You can watch them on YouTube here or listen to the podcast here (or wherever you tune in). If you’re a reader, you’re welcome to find them in the most recent blog posts. They lay the groundwork for what we’re about to dive into and will make everything a whole lot clearer.)

Back to our final stage…

I know the idea of ditching the cookie-cutter approach can seem overwhelming.

You might be thinking,

“Hey, I’ve got four kids – how am I supposed to parent each one differently?” 

“If he gets a cookie and she doesn’t, all hell is going to break loose!”
“They’re always keeping tabs… how is it going to be fair if it’s not equal?”

But here’s the thing:

The secret sauce lies in shifting from relying entirely on parents… to adopting a team approach.

Actually, it’s about teaching that fair does not always mean equal. 

It’s about getting everyone involved, establishing needs, wants, and priorities for the family as individuals AND as a whole.

Moreover, once you have that basic understanding, you create plans that align logically, emotionally, and within the capabilities of each member of the family (using the You-CUE framework).  

A Thriving Family Ecosystem

When you swap that rigid, harsh structure that leaves everyone feeling frustrated and defeated – for support, flexibility, and partnership – your family expectations no longer feel like barriers. 

Picture it like creating a real-life biosphere right within your own family — each member depends on and supports the others.

It’s no longer solely up to the parents to sustain the family. It’s up to everyone to understand their roles, communicate their needs, and work together. 

This shift removes the power struggle and resistance that leaves you fighting each other every step of the way. 

That’s the way a family should roll — as one cohesive, unstoppable team.

Creating such a team is the grand finale of our Family Road Map journey – where we unpack the secrets to crafting lasting family success plans. 

We’ll dig deep into how these plans can cater to each family member’s specific needs and be put into action in everyday situations to help your family thrive, not just survive.

Of course, we’ve tested these strategies on our own family before sharing them with others (my family has been like guinea pigs). 

Over almost a decade of working online, we’ve witnessed countless families implementing these techniques, allowing us to identify areas of improvement and fine-tune the system. 

And it works – we’ve got hundreds of thousands of success stories to prove it! 

So, are you ready to unravel the secrets to building a thriving family ecosystem that fosters teamwork and support?

One Saturday Night

Before we dive into the final stage, let me share a real-life Saturday night moment in our family.

It’s 8 o’clock, the weekend vibe is in full swing.

Around the table, the 10-year-old, myself, and Jason are chatting about our day’s adventures. 

We all brought home crafts from Michael’s: my knitting experiment, my daughter’s new drawings, and her attempt at crochet inspired by my knitting. Jason’s coloring in his new book. 

Our teenagers wander into the kitchen, grabbing food from the fridge, and asking us about our creative pursuits and chatting about upcoming plans.

We have an easy, casual convo about anything and everything.

In these moments, we realize how far we’ve come.

It’s not about fancy vacations or picture-perfect scenes. It’s about the simple joy of being connected and engaged as a family. Finding those moments where everyone supports one another and does what they love. 

This is what we strive for — a way of life where peace and connection are the norm.

I share this because I understand the challenges and chaos you may face. The interrupted naps, the food-throwing tantrums, the feeling of defeat. 

But you’re not alone, and transforming your family dynamics is possible.

No magic wand or quick fix exists. It takes hard work, persistence, and the willingness to weather ups and downs. But trust me, it’s worth it. We’ve been there and emerged on the other side.

As we embark on the final stage of our journey together, hope is on the horizon. We’re here to guide, support, and equip you with tools for more magical moments.

(I strive to always offer multiple avenues to access our tools – don’t forget you can always listen to our podcast, explore the blogs related to previous stages, or pre-order my Calm the Chaos book for a detailed breakdown of the entire system. Don’t forget to follow us on Facebook or Instagram for bite-size content!)

Family Team Approach vs. Traditional Parenting

So let’s hash out the difference between the family team approach and traditional parenting

In the traditional model, it’s all about one-size-fits-all. Same rules, same treatment for everyone

But in Calm the Chaos, we’re all about celebrating individuality. We understand that each family member is unique and has their own needs and quirks.

The first big shift is moving from the old-school top-down style to a collaborative vibe. Instead of parents being the bosses who lay down the law, we value input from everyone in the fam. 

It’s not just about tossing out a few choices and calling it collaboration. This is bigger than asking your kid if they want the blue cup or the red cup. 

We’re talking about truly considering how our decisions affect everyone involved. We’re a team, after all, and decisions, big and small, should be made together with everyone’s interests in mind.

Another thing to consider is the difference between rigid rules and flexibility

In traditional parenting, the expectation is that the whole family is on the same schedule, doing the same routine, following the same expectations.

But in Calm the Chaos, we understand that each child may need a different approach.

Sure, there are some ‘universal’ guidelines we can all probably easily agree on… like treating others kindly is a no-brainer! But, similarly to adults, ‘be kind to others’ looks different for each kid – and that path to kindness is different for everyone. 

So, we adapt our methods to meet each child’s unique needs – we find ways to agree on and honor our family values and expectations, and help each other along the way.  

Here’s another Calm the Chaos difference…

Back in the day, kids didn’t have much say in anything. They were expected to just obey without question. 

“That’s how it is.”

“Because I said so.”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

But in the family team approach, we believe in teaching our kids to respectfully challenge boundaries and authority. 

We want them to grow up as independent thinkers who can stand up for what they believe in. We’re not raising blind followers here. We’re raising confident individuals who can navigate the ups and downs of life.

Switching to this new approach may seem like a big leap, but really, it boils down to simply treating each family member like a human being

It’s the perfect time to teach our kids essential life skills like communication, problem-solving, and empathy. By focusing on building strong connections within our family and giving our loved ones the tools they need, we can create a happy and successful family dynamic.

Team Leader vs. Manager

At the final stage of the Family Road Map, the parents take on an improved role: team builders. 

It’s not about handing out rules and instructions anymore.

Instead, you become a facilitator, mediator, guide, and mentor. You’re there to nurture and grow your family team, helping navigate and strengthen interactions – focusing on the inner workings of the entire family. 

Rather than a manager, think of it as being a team leader.

It’s an amazing distinction because it shifts the focus from dictating what to think to teaching our kids (and the entire family) how to think. 

In this stage, you’re actually expanding the Calm the Chaos framework to the whole family, empowering them to apply it in different situations.

The goal of this stage is to create an empowered family that spends quality time together, enjoys each other’s company, and supports one another. 

It’s about becoming one cohesive, unstoppable team.

By embracing the principles of the Calm the Chaos approach, you can cultivate a family life filled with joy, connection, and mutual support.

The Family Success Plan

The Family Success Plan is where the magic happens! It’s my favorite part of the whole Road Map.

Now, I know what you might be thinking: “Wow, this sounds like a ton of work.” But here’s the exciting part – the Family Success Plan is actually a culmination of all the previous stages. (We have already gone through the ride-the-storm plan, restoring energy plan, in-the-moment plan, and ahead-of-the-moment plan.)

It’s like assembling your family’s operating system, your very own manual, that you could even hand it over to the grandparents or a babysitter. How cool is that!

(Check out our newest podcast episode to hear all about what happened when we left our three kids with Jason’s parents for not just the original seven days but an unexpected two-week adventure!)
family success plan, Calm the Chaos, Dayna Abraham

Now, let’s take a sneak peek at the 4-step You-CUE framework in this stage. This will be a high-level overview because if I went into detail, I’d need a whole new blog series for that! 

The YOU piece here is one of the most powerful ones that we have in the entire Road Map. It’s the struggle to superpower swap, which is really just being able to see the whole picture of your child, your spouse, and everyone in the family. It’s about understanding that there are two sides to every coin. 

Next, we have CONNECTION. We’re talking about building that family team spirit. Sometimes we do some fun and silly exercises to bring everyone closer and foster unity. Sometimes it’s just snuggling in for a movie night. Trust me, it’s amazing what a little togetherness can do!

Then we move on to UNDERSTAND, which happens to be one of my personal favorites. This step involves creating a unique profile for each family member.

It’s like a cheat sheet that highlights what makes each person tick, their stress responses, sensory preferences, and so much more. It’s all about truly understanding and appreciating each other.

Lastly, we have the EMPOWERMENT piece, which can be a bit challenging for some. Instead of imposing strict rules and boundaries, we’re talking about creating value-based family systems.

These systems align with our values, bringing us closer as a family and running like a well-oiled machine. 

Because it’s not that we don’t need structure. We need it. But it should bring us together, not tear us apart. It’s about unity, collaboration, and working together towards success.

If you want to dive deeper into each stage, I’ve got you covered in my book. I break it down step by step, providing valuable insights and guidance for your family’s transformation.

So, grab your copy of the Calm the Chaos book and get ready to embrace the Family Success Plan and witness the incredible bond and joy that comes with it.

The Key Takeaway 

If you’re struggling to get your kids to listen, follow instructions, or simply get along, it might be time for a parenting shake-up. Don’t beat yourself up thinking you’re doing everything wrong. 

You’ve probably been following some of the traditional approaches, leaning in to what you’ve always known… but it’s time for a radical shift. 

Instead of being the all-knowing rule-maker, become a collaborative team with your kids. Learn together, work together, and create systems together.

Trust me, it’s beautiful when your family starts functioning as a united front. Siblings understanding each other’s emotions, recognizing triggers, and working together — it’ll change everything. 

If you have doubts, grab a copy of the Calm the Chaos book. We break down the whole Road Map, step by step, so you can see how everything fits together. Give it a fair shot and test out these theories and concepts. We know it works – we see it every day! 

Then stick around, follow on social, and keep sharing your thoughts. I’d love to see your questions or comments below! 

And don’t forget,

You’ve got this!

– – –

Calm the Chaos Parenting is a podcast offering parents practical tools and strategies to navigate the challenges of raising strong-willed, highly sensitive, and neurodivergent children.

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