(Inside: Parenting an angry child takes a lot of hard work and lots of patience. This is full of some of the best parenting tips for parenting an angry child!)
I guess by now the word is out that my child can get a little, no a lot, angry.
It’s also pretty known by now, if you are have been around this year that I don’t have any trouble digging through the trenches with you and sharing the journey of parenting an angry child.
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When I looked over all of my parenting posts from this year, it became quite clear that the most popular posts where the ones with a certain theme… angry children.
And I get it… Parenting an angry child comes with its own unique set of challenges… And tips like these are not in any of the normal parenting books!
So I decided to gather my top 10 tips for parenting an angry child and put them all in one place for you to have them at your fingertips.
Top 10 Best Tips for Parenting an Angry Child
1. 15+ Sure Fire Ways to Calm an Angry Child– This post has always been one of my most popular, and it’s reached hundreds of thousands of families.
I am not sure if I should be sad that there are so many others having these same struggles or happy that they are finding positive ways to love these children and help them cope and regulate during and after meltdowns.
I love how this post includes some simple preventative ideas as well as in the moment strategies.
2. Lego Calm Down Jar– This one isn’t as much a “parenting” posts as it is a tool for your toolbox.
There are a lot of “calm down jars” out there, but one reason I think this post has been so successful is because of the explanation of what they are and how you can use a calm down jar to help your child dealing with anger or big emotions.
3. Sensory Hacks to Calm an Angry Child– Again, this is more a toolkit than it is a post on how to parent your angry child. However, as popular as it has been, it has proven that having a toolkit of ideas handy is one of the best things you can do to help your child in the moment.
Have you noticed a theme in the top three posts of the year?
It’s pretty clear that building your toolkit of sensory tools and calm down strategies is vital when parenting an angry child.
I can honestly say that the lego calm down jar, the cardboard rocket and our essential oils have been the most effective in our toolbox this year, but I could not have made it this year without talking about some of the touchy parenting topics that come up with an angry child.
4. What is Sensory Processing? Boy, do I wish I had known about this years ago when I was trying to understand my angry child!
Not to say that all children that have intense emotions have sensory struggles, but knowing about them can be super helpful in figuring out the best parenting strategies and sensory strategies to try.
5. Decoding Everyday Kid Behaviors – This is one of my favorite series I’ve done on this site. With over 30 other parents and educators, we dug deep to understand the root cause of so many common childhood behaviors, including anger and aggression. This is an excellent starting place for any behavior that might have you baffled.
6. Punishing (Spanking) an Angry Child– Just over the holidays I was told (again) how spanking my child would make him better and help him stop slamming doors and yelling at us.
When you are parenting an angry child, it can be a huge struggle trying to figure out what discipline methods to use, but this post dives deep into one particular method of punishment.
7. What You Don’t Know About “That Kid” – More often than not, “that kid” is pretty angry and has a lot of aggression. Many times, that kid is very misunderstood and wishes others could see the child they really are.
I know as a parent, there are so many times I wish others could see my kid for who I see, especially him.
8. 5 Simple Words Any Parent Needs To Hear (Especially During a Meltdown)– I don’t want to spoil the surprise… so just read it, if you haven’t. I wish I could plaster this one across billboards for mothers everywhere to read!
9. Why I Refuse to Tell You How to Be a Better Parent Man, on those really bad days, not only do you need to know you aren’t alone… you need to know there are some things you are doing right! Hopefully this post gives you that!
10. Peaceful Parenting with Family Meetings– This simple 3 step process has been instrumental in helping us deal with family “blow-ups” and talk about how to handle the situations in the future. We have worked together as a family to build respect and understanding for everyone in the house so that we can have a more peaceful home.
But when we see that we have an angry child, we really aren’t seeing the whole picture…
Your child’s behaviors are much like this iceberg. On the surface you see…
* a child that is clingy and doesn’t like to be alone,
* a child that crosses his arms and shuts down
* a child that is scared of ever getting a wrong answer
* a child that doesn’t like to go new places
Or a child that becomes “hyper” when new guests arrive at your house.
It’s easy to look at these behaviors as just what we see. It’s easy to make assumptions about why our children are acting out or doing inexplicable things.
However, I challenge you to look for the other 85%. Look deeper.
What’s hiding behind what you see?
Right now, download your FREE Handle Any Sensory Challenge posters so you can get a deeper understanding of sensory and start implementing some sensory activities and routines with your family!
38 thoughts on “10 Vital Things All Parents of Angry Children Should Know”
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I’ve so appreciated your blog over the last few months. I have 2 children who have recently been diagnosed with ADHD/ODD and both have sensory issues, with my youngest having the most. Anyway, I appreciate your honesty and the fact that I don’t feel alone in my struggles as a parent. I so struggle with being angry and frustrated with my children, and at the same time feeling sorry for what they’re going through and wanting to protect them all the time. I wonder if you have any previous posts or insight on how to deal with family and my children. I have some family that are very accepting and do what they can to help us and our kids. And then I have some family who, up until our kids were given a diagnosis and put on meds, thought we were parenting wrong or letting our kids walk all over them. They had no idea what we would go through every single day, with meltdowns at least 3 times a day, not understanding why they would happen or what brought them on. They are becoming much more accepting, but I struggle with the idea that they should have been accepting even before they knew there was an issue. They are our children, whether they have issues or not, and they should be loved and accepted by their family. Oh I’ve gone on and on. I think this is bothering me more than I realized. 🙂 Thank you so much for listening.
Thank you so much for reaching out and saying hi. So glad you have found things of use the last few months. In regards to your family, I completely understand and have thought about writing some things about the subject. It is extremely hard feeling judged or being told you are doing things incorrectly and knowing what to say and how to make them understand is incredibly hard. I will try to come up with something over the next year.
I look forward to following your blog this year. Happy New Year! 🙂
Thank you so much! Anything in particular you enjoy reading?
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I have never heard of a calm down jar! Love it and am going to make one 🙂
Awesome! Thanks for sharing!
I found it really useful to read, this is a area which need help with .
So glad you can find some help here! Thanks for sharing.
So glad this was helpful
Can I be your friend? I can relate to your troubles. My eldest has severe anger problems. We have done everything under the some for him except for drugging him up. It seems that nothing seems to work.. when we ask him why he acts the way to his family we get, “we dont know” or when we ask .. err beg with tears running down my face to please stop I get, “it’s hard.” We took him toe pediatric neurologist and we were told he has borderline OCD at age 12!!! I hear you about meltdowns.. man oh man. the screaming and yelling on his part. I keep asking me what have I done? Why is he like this. It can go for hours when he is very very upset. My husband I have been dealing with this mainly on our own with no support. We were told by a homeopathic guru to have him punch a pillow during the meltdowns. The anger issues of this one child out of 9 seems to really get the whole family down and depressed when an issue arises. Having no one who would understand this makes my nerves shot and Im constantly on edge with this child wondering what will set him off. We are pretty crunchy.. organic foods, etc. The only thing that we have seen an sort long lasting calm is when we having taken away from his diet all sugar… all of it except for raw local honey. He”s miserable when it comes to holidays or birthdays and he cant have the treats the others have. Anyway, I know where you are coming from. I wanted to send you a hug because I do understand how hard it is to raise children who behave this way. I’m hoping one day.. some day that he will just snap out of it, ya know? Oh how I wish you were my neighbor and I could have someone to talk to about this.
Thanks for sharing. You’ll have to remind him that missing out on artificial sweet treats is not worth the anger!
Thank you! I feel like this is written about my son and I.
I thought I had an angry child.
Reading that list of what you tried was so familiar just now.
And then one day my son was diagnosed with type 1 juvenile diabetes.
And that first weekend with insulin it was like I finally had my child back.
I knew all along, seeing educational psychologists and reading books that something didn’t make sense. I wish it wasn’t diabetes that finally made sense. But, I am so happy to know now that the anger was because I had on my hands a very sick 9 year old. I guess the lesson is to always proceed with love. You just never know what paradigm shift lies in wait as you navigate childhood anger.
Thank you for your work.
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Great piece on effective parenting. Disciplining a young child is never easy. It takes time, effort, and energy, which can all be in short supply when you are raising children, managing a career, a house, and the dozens of other day-to-day activities parents face. Good parents must be open to adapt new styles of parenting, should not be too loving or too strict, and should be involved in their child’s life to foster nurtured, loved and socially responsible adults.
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This is a great resource. Super helpful. I am kind of pre-empting my child being angry. We have twins they are only 10 months old. Hopefully, they won’t be angry but is good to be prepared. Kepp up the great work.
What are your thoughts on separation anxiety and problems starting Kindergarten. Do you have a post or some links that will help.
I like what you said about it being the tip of the iceberg. Taking a look at why they are angry is important. You need to know what is going on and how they are feeling that is causing them to act a certain way. Managing the anger is the quick here and now but what is causing it make take some time figure out and deal with.