logo-v3
×
  • Learning
  • Playing
    • Sensory Play
  • Parenting and Life
  • Sensory Processing
  • Teaching
  • Courses
  • Books

The Day I Told My Kids “I Quit”

By Lemon Lime Adventures 19 Comments

(Inside: I say all the “right” words… I save the sadness for behind closed doors. My kids have no clue how unhappy I am. Not anymore. Today, I told my kids I quit.)

Yep. You read that right.

I told my kids “I quit” and you won’t believe what happened next.

It was an ugly day. Scratch that, it has been an ugly season.

I honestly can’t remember the last day that a door was not slammed, a foot was not stomped or a voice was not raised.

It’s pretty common knowledge that I have one son that struggles with intense emotions, but this has been different.

All of the children have been on edge, despite all my best efforts to change the equation.

The Day I Told My Kids I Quit

Before you hate me and think I am the worst mom in the world, I want it to be very clear, that I have never and will never attempt to tell you the “best” way to parent.

This is not a post where I will tell you the secrets to a happy family.

Quite the opposite, in fact, it is my goal to create a place where you just don’t feel alone.

I am pretty sure I am not alone in this feeling of hitting my limit.

That is just what happened. I hit my limit.

There is only so much yelling, so much stomping and so much screaming this one mom can take! It just wears me down.

I have started and restarted my journey to be a more peaceful parent and practice what I preach several times in the last few years.

My latest attempts have worked wonders for myself.

What I mean by that, is I have found a calm for myself. I have filled my parenting toolbox, implemented strategies that are working and I actually have been yelling much less, if any at all.

Despite all those changes for the better, my home is still a war zone.

It is not peaceful. It is not pretty.

Normally, I vent to my friends via chat or text messages for a moment of validity.

Sometimes, I call someone after the kids are in bed to find support. And I always lean on my husband for support when the day is done.

However, my kids never see this.

I am living a lie.

In front of my kids, I say all the “right” words. I give all the “right” consequences and I remain consistent and fair.

My voice stays calm and my mood remains flat. Not overjoyed but not angry.

I let the anger roll off my back and save the sadness for behind closed doors.

My kids have no clue how unhappy I am.

Not anymore.

Today, I told my children “I quit“.

I didn’t scream it. I didn’t pout it. I just said “I quit.”

I was broken and they could see it.

Tears started streaming down my face.

I told them of the love I have for them. I told them how much I care about them and how no matter what, I would always love them, but something had to give.

I didn’t have a long drawn out speech, because, honestly, they wouldn’t have listened.

Instead, I told them how I felt. I told them how it hurt that I couldn’t remember a day of no yelling. I told them it broke me. I told them I felt like a failure. I told them I couldn’t keep going like this.

I know, I know… you are probably thinking to yourself “Wow, how could this mom put so much on her children? Wow, get a life, woman.” Right?

Well, even if you are, I am here to share something truly amazing that happened next that pretty much floored me.

Why I told My Kids I Quit

I walked away for my break, my breather, and my quiet time.

I went to unload the dishes and left the kids with my words.

I expected them to brush it off and go about their day. I expected the arguing to start right back up. Honestly, I expected nothing to come of it and I felt awful for letting it out on them.

Yet, as I stood there unloading the dishes with a toddler wrapped around my legs, I could hear something happening in the other room.

The boys were calm. They were gentle. In fact, they were working.

They both got out their schoolwork on there own. They both finished their work on their own. They both made their snacks on their own.

And you know what? It didn’t end there.

No, in fact, it continued through the rest of the day. I have to say it was one of the most peaceful days we have had in a long long time.

So, who knows, maybe all it takes is a little tiny bit of brutal honesty to reset. Maybe all it takes is respecting my children enough to tell them how I really feel. Maybe, just maybe, this is the start of something new.

Here’s to a day with no yelling, no stomping, and no screaming.

If you’re reaching your breaking point like I was, I’ve got something awesome to share with you…

We’ve all heard the same advice… If someone tells me to “take a deep breath” one more time, they might get yelled at even more than my kids…

That’s why I was SO excited when my friend Amanda decided to offer this free video series From Angry Mom to Calm Home.

This isn’t the same old advice we’ve all heard that doesn’t work, and it’s not just another parenting expert that will make you feel even more guilty for yelling…

Trust me. Amanda is the real deal. She’s a mental health therapist and an admitted reformed yeller. She totally understands what it’s like to be a mom in the trenches, and her tips are gold.

You can sign up here for the free email series.

Tired of being an angry mom and yelling? Check out this FREE video series to go from Angry Mom to Calm Home!

More Adventures In Motherhood

What Do You Do When Being A Stay at Home Mom was never part of the plan Signs It is more than just Mommy Blues 5 words every mom needs to hear

ORDER THE SUPERKIDS ACTIVITY GUIDE TO

CONQUERING EVERY DAY

Superkids Activity Guide to Conquering Every Day
Every Hero's Journey Has A Guide

Help your Superkid unlock their real potential.

Learn more about Dayna's new best-selling book, The Superkids Activity Guide To Conquering Every Day.

Learn More
Pin300
Tweet
Share999
Email
+11
1K Shares

Comments

  1. Sara says

    January 28, 2015 at 11:39 am

    I have done this very thing. I am a parent of an Autistic pre-teen boy, who in addition to Autism has ADHD, and that combo makes navigating through things challenging for everyone on a daily basis. I have reached my limit a few times when the stomping, yelling, and constant battle of wills gets to be too much. I wish my “I Quit” had been as successful as yours, but I both understand and support your reason for needing it. Sanctimommies need to remember we are ALL human and have our breaking points.

    Reply
  2. Tara says

    January 28, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    I can totally relate to this sentence right here… “I have started and restarted my journey to be a more peaceful parent…”
    So many times I have woken up and said to myself “Today will be better, today will be better..” Some days are good, and some days are worse. Thank you for this look into your life, I can definitely relate to every single word.

    Reply
  3. Heather says

    January 29, 2015 at 11:34 pm

    I to have “quit”, actually leaving my husband and boys while I went for a drive. I have often told my boys the exact feelings that you described even crying in front of them so they truly understand how I feel. Moms don’t talk about these feelings and actions enough, thank you for the inspiring article:)

    Reply
  4. Orpha says

    January 30, 2015 at 2:33 pm

    this article could’ve been written by me word for word. I have lived thru many days of my “intense” son doing those exact same things and me throwing in the towel when I reach my breaking point There have been times when I will simply go for a walk staying within sight of the house where they can find me and let them fight and scream as loud as they want!!!lol I know that sounds bad but sometimes a breather and a talk with God gets me back on track. Just recently I was telling my husband that I don’t think there’s anyone that endures this kind of behavior but your post has shown me otherwise! Thank you for being real.

    Reply
  5. Nancy says

    January 31, 2015 at 10:23 pm

    Years and years ago, my son had pushed every button, my daughter was being a typical teen age girl with attitude as big as the hair in the 80’s, my son stepped over the line and my husband, who has the patience of a saint, engaged in an one-side conversation with the boy child. When the conversation was over, the words, I quit where used, he grabbed his keys and left…they kids freaked out and jumped in my daughters car and went looking for him. Saw a difference in them since. They still talk about that day.

    Reply
  6. Kate says

    February 1, 2015 at 1:14 pm

    I related to everything you said! Thank you for having the courage to put it out there. My breaking point was about two weeks ago when I told my kids I was done trying to control their behavior, that it was their choice. With my husband supporting me with heavy artillery, I was able to walk away and get control of myself. I discovered I was not setting appropriate boundaries around myself and not allowing my kids to be responsible for their own choices. Best wishes for continued peace in your house!

    Reply
  7. Amy says

    March 26, 2015 at 9:25 pm

    My very smart 3 year old thought it to be very funny to get into the candy and it the last cupcake while I was putting baby down for his morning napn. I repeatedly told her she could have it after dinner. We had been having problem like this with her not listening and doing what we asked her to do and hurting others. This was the breaking point. I calmly sent her in her room to lay down then I went in the play room and packed up a good amount of her toys. She was very unhappy about this, I expla to her when she could start listening and doing what I ask the first time she would start to get her toys back. It really worked. And she got her toys back.

    Reply
  8. Liz says

    April 11, 2015 at 6:08 pm

    REAL WORDS FROM A REAL MUM!
    THANK YOU X

    Reply
  9. teacher says

    April 18, 2015 at 6:28 am

    You are teaching your children empathy when help them to understand the feelings of others (you in this case). You are teaching them the value of honesty in a relationship when you tell them exactly how you feel. You are teaching them their actions have a consequence. So much good is happening here. Be proud of yourself for having the courage to tell them how you feel. Be proud of them for understanding. Your job is not to make sure your children live a happy rose colored life. Your job is to teach them to be kind, gentle, caring people who will have strong loving relationships, be good workers, fair employers, and good citizens.

    And most of all remember you are a woman, mother, friend, wife, daughter. You are many things and you do have a life. It is okay for your children to know these other sides of you. You are a person just like them.

    Reply
  10. Shefali says

    June 6, 2015 at 10:56 pm

    My kids r 4 & 2, I am very open with kids about how I feel with what they do..I make it clear with my tone, sad voice, or anger (not hitting) whatever I feel I communicate with them..u need to be honest with kids..at their level they can’t understand if u say I m depressed but they understand what is sad or if u say that is going to make mom cry..or i tell my son that if u make me overwork in home then I will get older soon..and he starts helping..

    Reply
  11. Katie says

    September 15, 2015 at 12:12 pm

    Thank you. Like you said, I wouldn’t want to go around doing this everyday 😉 but OH MY GOSH. MAY I JUST THANK YOU FOR *BEING REAL*? FOR BEING *HONEST*? FOR NOT BEING (aka not putting forth the image that you are) PERFECT?! THANK YOU! That’s something that has been bothering me a lot lately, and I just want to let you know I appreciate the courage you had to just lay it all out there b/c it’s REAL LIFE! A LOT of yelling goes on in our house, but that doesn’t mean we don’t LOVE each other; but wow does it bug me when ppl put forth this “zen” image or preach that we shouldn’t yell, cuz YEAH WE KNOW THAT ALREADY, but LIFE HAPPENS 😉 and ppl yell.
    Thank you for BEING REAL. 🙂 I appreciate that. 😉

    Reply
  12. Nilsa says

    March 7, 2017 at 7:37 pm

    Love the honesty. In my case, I’m an older adoptive mom of two 9 yr olds who are bright and have very intense feelings. I have no relatives nearby nor anyone to talk to so I could vent a bit. Most times, though married to a wonderful husband, I feel depressed and alone. I have felt what you shared and thought to myself what an inept, horrible mom I must be…. this article and the comments by other moms just made my day.
    Thanks so much!

    Reply
  13. nicole says

    August 20, 2017 at 12:52 pm

    Thank you so much. After crying off and on for three days because I feel like the worst mother. In the world. How could I say out load to their father ( and in front of them) “you can have them. I will pay you the money for child support.”. Well I had my breaking point!!! I have resources, and I made calls for help before this day. We share the kids, both kids (11 and 8) have ADHD. My home often feels chaotic. It does not help when your ex husband keeps identifying to you that “you just don’t have what it takes to parent the kids. Stuff like this does not happen when they are with me.” The kids here that I am imperfect and not doing things good enough all the time. Anyway, I take refuge in knowing that there are other moms out there who want to ‘quit’ sometimes. You have given me hope that it can get better. Thx

    Reply
  14. tired mama says

    September 12, 2017 at 3:09 pm

    i told my husband today (in front of my kids, 7 and 4) that i didn’t want to parent anymore. i was in tears and at my wits end with homeschooling my 7 year old who is starting to use a lot of manipulation, and a 4 year old who doesn’t stop whining. I have asked for my husband’s help with coming up with solutions, but he is always too tired. I don’t know how to talk to my kids now, i am still hiding in my bedroom. My husband already made it very clear that he is offended by my words and the kids are, too. I’m struggling with Celiac’s disease and its hard to find a safe place to vent. thankyou everyone for being so honest about your situations.

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. The Newbie's Guide to Positive Parenting - Lemon Lime Adventures says:
    January 26, 2015 at 6:59 pm

    […] When we have really bad days, we talk about it, we reconnect and start […]

    Reply
  2. How to Stay Sane & Happily Married When Parenting an Angry Child - Lemon Lime Adventures says:
    April 3, 2015 at 1:18 pm

    […]     […]

    Reply
  3. Dear Mom on Those Really Tough Days - Lemon Lime Adventures says:
    April 8, 2016 at 6:42 pm

    […]     […]

    Reply
  4. Dear Special Needs Mom Ready To Give Up... says:
    September 3, 2016 at 10:26 pm

    […] of the Most Supportive Facebook Groups for Parenting High Needs Children The Day I told My Kids I Quit Mama’s Anger Management Course The Secret to Being a Happy […]

    Reply
  5. To the Overwhelmed Mom... says:
    February 2, 2017 at 4:48 pm

    […] the mom crying on the couch after she yelled at her kids for something little and is now feeling guilty and like she is […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Meet Dayna

About Me

SUPERKIDS Sidebar
Project Sensory Sidebar
SP101 Sidebar
Calm The Chaos Sidebar
young living starter kit

Choose Your Adventure

learning learning learning learning learning

Recent Posts

  • Struggle or Behavior… Where Do You Draw the Line?
  • The REAL Reason Your Child W-sits, Toe-Walks, and Wets the Bed
  • 6 Simple Strategies to Teach Social Skills When it Doesn’t Come Easy
  • What You Should Know About Meltdowns… From a Tween on the Spectrum
  • 15 Proven Strategies that go Beyond Words to Calm an Anxious Child
  • Today I had a photo shoot for an upcoming project that starts March 7th.
.
At first thoughts of ... “I’m not cute enough. 
I’m not skinny enough.
My teeth aren’t white enough.” ... flooded my head.
.
And then I took a moment to celebrate the true wins.
.
I CAN smile again.
I DO have joy again.
I HAVE a lot to be excited about. .
Two years ago I couldn’t say those things honestly. .
So today... I celebrate the small wins, the big wins and the wins that are yet to come...
.
What can I celebrate with you?

#embraceadventure #calmthechaos #ctcwin #parenting #launchlife
  • A simple classic game. But so much opportunity for connection. 
What’s your favorite family game?
  • This is my date for Valentine’s day. 
At 13 I have to embrace every moment he would choose to have dinner with his mama. 
Every day might not be perfect but I choose to use moments like these to anchor me for when times get hard. 
How are you connecting today? 
#itstartswithconnection #raisingsuperkids #calmthechaos #autism #parenting
  • “Papa can you play with me?”
.
His response could have been ... Not right now...
I’m busy.

But instead ... he simply said ... Sure!
.
These two are like peas and carrots.
.
This is a little girl that loves her papa.
. 
This is a papa that loves his little girl. .
What appears to be a quick game of tic-tac-toe...
.
Is really just one of many examples of unconditional love.
. 
I get so much joy from watching their relationship grow and develop. 
5 minutes can make a huge difference. 
#itstartswithconnection #calmthechaos #raisingsuperkids #fatherdaughter
  • Today my son broke his glasses 👓
.
He wasn’t hit by a football🏈
.
He wasn’t being careless⁉️
.
He didn’t step on them on accident 🤦🏻‍♀️
.
No. He broke them because he was mad. 😡
.
He had a rough day at school (understatement)
.
They use a “seclusion room” when children are disregulated
.
Today my son could NOT calm on his own. .
He shared he went between screaming and throwing his glasses to try to get out...
😡
To crying on the floor thinking he’d never get out.
😭
This was the result. .
I could get mad that we have to get new glasses.
I could scold him for having a fit at school.
I could punish him for all the destruction.
.
Instead, I choose to connect with him.
. 
He’s been isolated enough and that didn’t end well.
.
Tonight we will connect and plan how to alter the results when he gets upset.
.
What choices could he make differently?
What could he say? 
How could he calm himself next time? 
#itstartswithconnection #calmthechaos #parenting #autism #raisingsuperkids
  • Today I had a photo shoot for an upcoming project that starts March 7th.
.
At first thoughts of ... “I’m not cute enough. 
I’m not skinny enough.
My teeth aren’t white enough.” ... flooded my head.
.
And then I took a moment to celebrate the true wins.
.
I CAN smile again.
I DO have joy again.
I HAVE a lot to be excited about. .
Two years ago I couldn’t say those things honestly. .
So today... I celebrate the small wins, the big wins and the wins that are yet to come...
.
What can I celebrate with you?

#embraceadventure #calmthechaos #ctcwin #parenting #launchlife
  • A simple classic game. But so much opportunity for connection. 
What’s your favorite family game?
  • This is my date for Valentine’s day. 
At 13 I have to embrace every moment he would choose to have dinner with his mama. 
Every day might not be perfect but I choose to use moments like these to anchor me for when times get hard. 
How are you connecting today? 
#itstartswithconnection #raisingsuperkids #calmthechaos #autism #parenting
  • “Papa can you play with me?”
.
His response could have been ... Not right now...
I’m busy.

But instead ... he simply said ... Sure!
.
These two are like peas and carrots.
.
This is a little girl that loves her papa.
. 
This is a papa that loves his little girl. .
What appears to be a quick game of tic-tac-toe...
.
Is really just one of many examples of unconditional love.
. 
I get so much joy from watching their relationship grow and develop. 
5 minutes can make a huge difference. 
#itstartswithconnection #calmthechaos #raisingsuperkids #fatherdaughter
  • Today my son broke his glasses 👓
.
He wasn’t hit by a football🏈
.
He wasn’t being careless⁉️
.
He didn’t step on them on accident 🤦🏻‍♀️
.
No. He broke them because he was mad. 😡
.
He had a rough day at school (understatement)
.
They use a “seclusion room” when children are disregulated
.
Today my son could NOT calm on his own. .
He shared he went between screaming and throwing his glasses to try to get out...
😡
To crying on the floor thinking he’d never get out.
😭
This was the result. .
I could get mad that we have to get new glasses.
I could scold him for having a fit at school.
I could punish him for all the destruction.
.
Instead, I choose to connect with him.
. 
He’s been isolated enough and that didn’t end well.
.
Tonight we will connect and plan how to alter the results when he gets upset.
.
What choices could he make differently?
What could he say? 
How could he calm himself next time? 
#itstartswithconnection #calmthechaos #parenting #autism #raisingsuperkids

CONNECT WITH ME

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

Handcrafted with · © 2019 LLA Media LLC